10/24/05  Posted from the Daily Record newsroom

Therapist helps students to navigate college paths

Social worker's counseling tackles suicide, alcohol abuse

BY ZENAIDA MENDEZ
DAILY RECORD

MORRISTOWN --Licensed clinical social worker Maureen Tillman has been alarmed by the numbers of college-age students who attempt suicide, binge drink and participate in other forms of self-destructive behavior.

The psychotherapist has counseled young adults who failed out of school or dropped out because they didn't have the life skills to handle the transition from high school to college.

"In some of the cases, it was very clear to me that they really didn't know how to negotiate this new terrain," Tillman said.

"Things would go wrong and they'd just kind of keep sinking."

Tillman concluded that, with some emotional preparation, young adults and their parents could successfully make that transition, so she founded "College with Confidence."

The service identifies adjustment issues and helps families build college-bound students'personal life skills. She has been holding workshops on the topic at various schools in Morris County and elsewhere in the region.

"When you're prepared for something, you feel confident,"Tillman said.

"I'm not going to say that with my help or with these classes that you have a guarantee of not having problems, but it increases the odds of you being more successful, being more resilient. Nobody can get away from stressors."

And colleges are filled with them, Tillman said. There are roommates, time management, diversity and sexuality issues, and parents and their children should prepare, Tillman said.

Tillman's hour-and-a-half workshops are aimed at parents and their children, but she particularly emphasizes the parents' role in helping their children develop skills they'll need to manage away from home.

Tillman's youngest, her 20-year-old daughter, is enrolled in college, and her eldest, a 23-year-old son, graduated from the University of Texas, Austin, in December, so she has firsthand experience with situations that parents and their college-bound children will face.

Tillman said parents usually don't consider emotional and mental preparedness of their children before they depart for college unless an issue arises during high school.

"They don't think about it in the normal process unless there's something glaring at them," she said.

However, Tillman said it's as important a part of the college preparation process as selecting the right SAT tutor and touring colleges to find the best fit.

Social and academic assertiveness --"that you can tell your roommate you don't like things or ... that you can get your needs met by the teacher or the administration"-- is one skill that she highlights in her workshop.

Ken Krausct was one of the parents who attended a "Preparing Your Teen for the College Transition" workshop at the South Orange-Maplewood Adult School in March. He has a 17-year-old college-bound daughter.

"The main thing I got out of it is a sense of balance, that life is about more than just what college you get into," he said of the workshop.

Tillman also talks about constructive coping strategies for stress, depression and anxiety and the importance of allowing college-bound youths to figure out identity for themselves.

"Look at high school as an opportunity to foster life skills in your children that will serve them well forever," Tillman advises parents.

"I mean, you're not going to have your mother around all your life, and is that what they (parents) really want for their kids?" she asked.

Besides high schools and area community centers, Tillman said she also hopes to reach out to college campuses where she can help train resident advisers. She also plans to take her service to corporations.

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Zenaida Mendez can be reached at (973) 989-0652 or zmendez@gannett.com.

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