August 20, 2006, The Sunday Star-Ledger Developing self-sufficiency By PEGGY O'CROWLEY STAR-LEDGER STAFF In the quest to help their children build the best college résumé, replete with stellar grades and SAT scores, sports, arts and leadership achievements, some parents have forgotten a critical element of their children' development: fostering independence, decision-making, problem-solving and navigating the sometimes difficult social and emotional landscape of college life. "These kids haven't learned how to take care of themselves," said Madeline Levine, a psychologist and author of "The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating A Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids," (HarperCollins, $24.95). "It's an interesting contradiction: on the one hand they've done startlingly well in terms of academic and athletic performance, but they're increasingly immature in terms of self management and life skills. Academics and athletics have crowded out other parts of child development," said Levine, who wrote the book based on research that shows rates of depression among middle and upper-middle class adolescents is rising. So perhaps it's not surprise that services aimed at helping kids develop those skills are beginning to pop up. Maureen Tillman, a social worker and psychotherapist in Morristown, began "College With Confidence" last year after noting she was counseling more young adults who hadn't made it past their freshman year, back home after a disastrous semester or two suffering from depression, binge drinking or flunking out of class. "It was clear to me that they didn't really know how to negotiate this new terrain," said Tillman, who counsels individuals and conducts workshops for parents and high school students. Millman said parents' role is to support their children and help them manage issues like conflicts with roommates, coordinating study time and assignments, and finding a community within the school. On a national level, College Success Boot Camp offered its first four-day seminar in Orlando, Fla., earlier this month to 350 students, entering college or in college. Besides lectures on study skills and financial aid tips, the $695 seminar focuses two days on emotional and physical issues, and personal and social development, according to its founder, 29-year-old entrepreneur Brendon Burchard. "You can find a course for test preparation or a seminar for financial aid, but we're not preparing students how to deal with the stress and the peer pressure," said Burchard, the author of "The College Leadership Guide," (University of Montana, $14.95.) Lecturers at the seminar, which Burchard describes as an entertaining mix of "half rock concert, half reality show," deal with getting along with different kinds of people, learning to express needs, dating safely, mental health issues and eating right. Sarah Ramirez of Princeton, a junior at Rutgers College, attended the session with her mother and sister as a way to help her get back on track after two years of less than stellar achievement. The transition from a small town and a very devout family to a huge school was difficult, and joining a sorority and partying took away from studying, she said. "Along the way, I lost my goals and my direction." Boot Camp taught her "a lot about being who I am, not letting other people change me, and keeping my values. I feel motivated from Boot Camp and am excited to show I can handle being at school," she said. She's also better able to imagine her goal, to graduate and work in her church's project running an orphanage in Uganda. _________________ Peggy O'Crowley covers family issues. She can be reached at pocrowley@starledger.com or at (973) 392-5810.
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